I’ve had several friends in the past and present ask me my advice on staying at home, so I thought I would just share it with everyone. I do choose to stay at home with my girls. This is what God has shown me and why I made the choice.
#1-God told me to. It was impressed upon my heart by him and confirmed with scripture that He put into my life when I was pregnant with Mali. I was not planning on staying at home and had been very career minded. I stepped out on faith and trusted God. Without a doubt He has proved faithful and trustworthy in this decision. This is part of a letter I wrote at the time to my co-workers:
Throughout the months that I was pregnant and praying about what to do, God showed me many things and many verses that I want to share with you so that you will understand my decision. Before I share those things, I do want to say that I do not think that it is wrong to work or that God thinks that it is wrong to work. In fact, Proverbs 31 talks about a woman of excellence. In these verses it talks about how she works and is pretty much in charge of the family. But for me, God has individually said that I need to stay home, not because working is wrong but because this is part of His plan for me and my family. God has said in Proverbs 27:23-24 “Know well the condition of your flocks, and pay attention to your herds; For riches are not forever nor does a crown endure to all generations”. My time with Mali and Eric will endure to all generations, and God has said that is where my time needs to be invested. The main thing that God showed me was that my family needs to be a priority. I think that is mainly why God is asking me to step away from work. In the past, this has not been the case. Work and my achievements (“crowns”) have been my priority but God says that “crowns” do not endure. Also, my leaving work is opening up the door for Eric to be the leader of our home in many ways but especially financially. There are also other reasons based on finances and my responsibilities at Buckner that God has shown me that support the decision to stay home. I want to be able to be involved in Eric’s work as well and be a “coach’s wife” and I believe that is a role that God also wants me to play. I’m scared of leaving work. I love counseling and do believe that God has chosen me to be a counselor. I can’t say that I understand or am glad for what He has asked me to do, but I trust Him and know that if I “…seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” Matthew 6:33. God has also told me that he “…will supply all [my] needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:19. And last of all God has said “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5,6. I don’t understand, at least not yet, but I want my paths to be straight.
#2-In order to be a good wife I feel like I need to stay at home. Eric’s schedule is crazy during football and part of what I feel my job is, is to make life as easy on him as possible during that time and to be really involved in his job. I just don’t think I could do that and work. I know without a doubt that our involvement in his job would not be a priority. Also, my job at the time required me to be on-call. I knew that with Eric’s schedule there was no way I could do this. If he was gone (sometimes he doesn’t get home until 3am after scouting or football games), I would have to find a way to wake Mali and take her some where if I did get paged. So I just couldn’t do this. I also want to be able to prepare meals for our family that are healthy and good. If I worked, I know that I would be picking up food to go which wouldn’t always be healthy and we would eat on the run. Again, not bad, but just a few things that God showed me. I try to keep the house picked up, etc. (Okay, not so great at this one, and I’ve been told by working moms that your house stays clean because no one is home, I think I’d miss the mess!:)) I also never asked Eric to get up with the girls in the middle of the night, because he needed to be well rested for his job. I looked at it as my job to do these things. I try to do whatever I can for it to be easy on him.
#3-Finances. When I first made the decision to stay at home with Mali, it didn’t add up for me to go back to work. I wouldn’t have been bringing in that much money after paying for the quality of care we wanted for Mali, formula and gas to go to and from everywhere. However, now that I have my license I can work a few hours a week and make better money than having a full time in job in some cases. But I still gage that by the same things God showed me from the beginning: am I still able to provide the best environment for my girls when I work, am I able to breastfeed still, can I trust who I leave them with (if it is family then I’m very okay with that, especially their daddy because it has allowed for good Daddy/daughter time). Can I still make dinner and not contribute to craziness and running around? Right now, I do work to pay for medical co-pays, diapers…etc. Along side of finances, I try to make my job invaluable and to “make us money” by staying home. I try not to spend excessively or even shop beyond necessity. I breastfeed so we don’t have to buy formula (and it is wonderful too). I make my own baby food and baby wipes. I plan outings in the most gas efficient way. Yes some times it is very hard financially, but “things” aren’t nearly as important as my children. God has ALWAYS been faithful to provide for us and the biggest blessing was that we were never living off two incomes. We had only had my full time income and two months of Eric’s when I left to stay at home with Mali. We easily live on one income-a teacher/coach’s income at that! Thank you God!!!
#4-It is a short season! This was huge at the time. I remember listening to a Focus on the Family broadcast while I was in the shower and just bawling, because I knew what God was calling me to do. It was a panel of stay at home moms and they all kept saying it was a short season, and just for a season. Now I see the wisdom in that! The years were so precious that I had with Mali, but they flew by! She started preschool last year and I would never have thought that my time with her was so short, but it was. Really, at the most, you have 4 years at home with each child, depending on how you spread it out, so if Eleri is our last child (not sure), then I have four more years of staying at home which is really only 8 years compared to the rest of my life to work….soooo short.
So my advice to others, if God showed you to do this do it, if there is no reason to work financially then do this, you will be so thankful and see the fruit one day, if your husband supports it, do this! I obviously am working now, about seven hours a week. Sometimes it still breaks my heart to leave my girls, but I also know that part of my work now is a ministry that God has equally called me to and part of it is a beautiful time for Eric to spend playing with his girls. Working a few hours a week is a great way that I can now contribute to helping our family. I absolutely love staying at home with my girls and wouldn’t have it any other way.
If God showed you to work, then do it with all your heart. You are no where near a bad mother. Obedience to what God has called us to do is the best lesson for our children, especially when it isn’t easy. I know many Godly, well adjusted, smart amazing people that grew up going to childcare. It may make a difference in the short term, but doesn’t seem to in the long run. And for that matter, I have so many Godly, amazing, super loving mom friends that work. I know that they love their children just as much and I really believe that they may be better at balancing it all. I'm sure that with my personality I could not do it all well.
